7 Reflections on Marriage as We Celebrate 7 Years on April 7th

I’ve always been highly attuned to the passage of time. Nostalgia hits me hard. Transitions, big and small, feel monumental. When seasons change, I think back to the same time last year and how much has changed (or notably, not). Whenever I drive through the neighbourhood where my husband and I rented our first home together — our first nest — I think of all the fun we squeezed out of that year as newlyweds before having kids and grown-up responsibilities. Revisiting old pictures immediately takes me back to the energy, joy, uncertainty, anxiety, and folly of that captured moment.

The past has a nagging pull to it, enticing us to recreate its magic – perhaps as a means to preserve it, extend it into our present, and propel some of that magic forward — a perpetual evolutionary battle.

Today, on April 7, 2025, my husband and I are celebrating 7 years of marriage, so in an attempt to propel the magic of the past 7 years forward, here are 7 reflections and lessons on marriage that I’m carrying with me this anniversary:

• 1. We’re on the same team. A simple one, but something we tend to forget in the heat of the moment and amidst the stress of the daily grind. We’re building this life together. It’s beautiful, even though it may not always feel that way.

• 2. A little bit of humour can go a long way. Time spent together offers lots of inside jokes you can proudly call your own. And sometimes it’s okay to laugh at (not with) each other.

• 3. Relationships go through seasons that reflect the stage of life that we’re currently in as well as our own inner states. Just like we each have our own “inner child”, I’m convinced that relationships have their own “inner child” that comes knocking every so often as a reminder of the things we should pay attention to and bring back to life from our “infancy” together. I’ve realized that we still enjoy doing the same things we used to… we’re just in a different season of life, and doing those things don’t come as easy anymore. But by giving ourselves some time and grace, we’re looking forward to when those things will become possible and easier again. There is excitement to be found in the anticipation, too!

• 4. Having different interests and personalities may precisely be the reason for “us” working. My husband’s nonchalance is perhaps the grounding that my ego needs. His slow pace and ability to rest comfortably within the present moment without the agitating worry about what’s to come is a constant reminder for my hurried, hasty self that is constantly looking ahead. I remember a time where my image of the ideal partner was someone who shared in my passions and participated in those things with me. But perhaps more important than having a partner to do everything together with is being with someone who respects your own individual passions and gives you the space to do those things just for “you”. We work because we give each other the space to be authentically ourselves, not by encroaching on each other or by trying to mould each other into versions that blend and bleed into our own space.

• 5. They say marriage is hard work, but I believe it all comes down to self-work… the rest will follow. Working on myself has allowed me to understand how my own actions contribute to the cracks and glimmers of our relationship. Working on myself has allowed me to see the tangible ways that honest communication (both with him and with myself) can open my eyes to a different perspective and a different way of being when I become tunnel-visioned. Working on myself has allowed me to realize that I am responsible for my own joy and peace of mind, despite the joy and peace that having a partner can also bring. Sometimes that peace of mind is compromised by my own thoughts, not by anything external or because of any flaw within our marriage.

• 6. Comparison is the quickest way to head  towards the rocks. In an era of oversharing and hyper-curated display of life’s milestones, it’s almost impossible not to compare our relationships with others to some degree. It becomes a very active, very laborious, and very necessary act of devotion to dispel the comparisons that our minds conjure up. My husband and I have had (and continue to have) our share of ups and downs that are unique to us. Going through the downs together make me even more proud of the ups we’ve accomplished together. And although we have a long road ahead (iA), there’s something empowering about taking stock of the path that we’ve already tread and staying confidently in our own lane as we continue forward.

• 7. Time is truly a thief and the years go by faster than we can sometimes perceive. We recently lost my father-in-law. While I sit here reflecting on 7 years, I think of the 50+ years of marriage that he had shared with my mother-in-law, the life they built together, the children and grandchildren they raised, and the struggles they overcame together. I think of their journey, my parents’ journey, and the journey that my husband and I have yet to travel. Grief is such an inevitable outcome of harbouring so much love and living so much life together.

Though we may grieve the loss of loved ones and even the passage of time, we are continuing to build our lives, create memories, and hopefully make a meaningful mark along the journey – an endless continuum. This is the nature of life and love. Bittersweet though it may be, there is solace in knowing that we are in it together. And that is worth celebrating.